My (getting rid of) Cancer Update Page

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June 18, 2004 - I feel better. I had the CEA checked again and it has come down to 3.1 (from 4.1). Two year check up in August.

May 15, 2004 - The cancer roller coaster continues...no real news this check up. I had my 22 month check up last week and we are now in a wait and see mode. The good news was my enzyme tests came back okay - but the CEA tumor marker was up. Naturally the doctor said it could be my chest cold, could be this, could be that - don't worry and we'll test it again in 3 months. Easy for him to say.

I have felt better at times, then not so good. Mostly I am stressed out with work, finances and cancer. It has all kind of built up right now (come on summer vacation). So - will have to hang in there and wait...

April 15, 2003 - My 18 month check up came and went -with some anxiety. One of my liver enzyme tests came back high, and there was some concern. It was later found to be okay - that enzyme had run high all the time for me and the doctor did not have my history results. Sometimes I think I should look for a doctor that has had cancer - many of them really don't get it. Over the last few years several times doctors and nurses have caused a lot of needless anxiety. I went through two weeks of worrying.

About 5 weeks ago I had another surgery - this time to remove my gallbladder. I had several very bad pain episodes and saw several doctors. My surgeon reported they had checked my gallbladder at colon surgery and it was fine. I had an ultra sound that did not show any stones, but was constricted. Finally the Internists said with the symptoms and constricted gallbladder that it needed to come out. The surgeon said he hoped it could be done laproscopically - but it took longer and was a little different as he had to work around the scar tissue from colon surgery. Results were quick - I felt much better the next day. The gallbladder was nonfunctioning and FULL of stones!

I am getting healthier. My blood pressure and co9lesteral are returning to normal. I am exercising and losing weight (FINALLY). Every now and then I have bouts of fatigue - but not too often. Anxiety of course is still a roller coaster - and always will be. I am approaching two years since diagnosis - and so far so good. I have recently had a full physical - treadmill test, echo-cardiogram and more to make sure everything is okay. There is some wear and tear of course.

I do not like to be pushy in regards to spirituality and my firm belief in God and Jesus, but they have been a huge influence on my life and I feel I have grown so much with them. I try to pray and meditate and have at times reached that closeness I had felt when I was going into colon surgery. I felt the gallbladder surgery was nothing - the extra strength I gain has been a very uplifting experience.

I also struggle with people in regards to how they deal with cancer survivors. Too many people do not understand the long term affects of the illness. I always mention the anxiety. My jump to a high stress level does not take as long - fortunately, by the same token I have a better ability to retreat from the madness.

Physically there are side effects that never go away. Physical problems from someone cutting you open. Ribs, nerves, muscles that have been damaged. For me having a foot less of colon means more bathroom stops, frequent bouts of bowel problems, a more irritable bowel. I also have to take fiber supplements or the system does not work properly. Fiber makes you go - makes you pass gas a lot too - often a difficult and embarrassing situation. My gallbladder problems could have been related. Who knows what future problems could develop. Often more problems develop in cancer patients 10-20 years later.

Finally there is the constant thought of becoming ill again. The physical aspects of it I can fight through. It is the anguish suffered by family members that is tough. The sacrifices they have to make to help you - or to watch you go through what you are. It is the financial burden that you fear leaving your family if you do not recover. It is the fear of leaving your family - your children - alone, without their father, cheating them of a normal childhood and cheating me of seeing them through childhood.

At the end, at least for me, there is God, and there is his loving son Jesus - who I pray to and seek to realize that whatever happens does so by their will, and though I do not always understand it, I must trust in their love and learn to accept whatever is to come. God Bless you all until next time.

November 14, 2003 - Two months have passed - so hard to believe. As far as cancer goes, the news is good. So far all my check ups have been fine. There is still a little fatigue - goes in phases - but there are days when I can definitely tell I am not back to normal.

Now it is the "other" things that come with cancer that are having the major effect. There is the weight gain from a year and a half of little activity and the chemo. There is the anxiety, about whether the cancer will come back and if it does, and family, etc.  Trying to get active again and exercising again is difficult. Things are getting better, it just takes so long. There are physical effects from the surgery, losing 10 inches of colon, etc - that are still bothersome.

Another problem I have faced before and other cancer patients face is with those around them. The majority of people see you get over treatment and recovery from surgery and think everything is back to normal and everything is fine. Most people do not realize that many problems caused by cancer continue to persist for a long time after, and it could be a year or two after the cancer before a survivor is "almost" back to normal. You never really do get all the way back to normal (many people do not understand that as well).

I think it is very important for cancer warriors to be a part of a support group with other cancer patients. I did not do any support groups the first time, and definitely know it makes a difference having done so this time.  Sometimes you need other people who have been through what you have to really understand how you feel and what you are and have been going through.

My last football season ended last month. I have decided for a variety of reasons to cut back coaching and possibly stop coaching all together. The experience of cancer forces you (sometimes by choice, sometimes you have to) to reevaluate your priorities, and what you want to do in life. My flute making , music and family have become a higher priority than coaching.

Otherwise, things continue to improve. You try and bypass the worry, anxiety, obsessions and depressive attitudes and thoughts and continue on. I keep telling myself to stop worry about how long I may have to live, and just live what I have. (It really sucks to actually face your own mortality!). 

September 18, 2003 - Yes, school and football continue to keep me busy. My daughter is also playing volleyball and one of my younger son's is playing soccer. Sometimes I wonder "when will it all in". I am believing that this will be my last season of coaching football, for a number of reasons. I am tired "mentally". If I don't have enough energy to do it right...

Health wise I have been fighting a cough and tooth infection. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be healthy again. The news for several cancer patients I know has not been good either - which has caused some wear. I am aware I need to watch for depression...which did happen the last time (1990) as well - I am kind of roller coastering right now. 

My next check up is in February. Sometimes the waiting in between is hard too. At times some panic - and thoughts that maybe I should go get checked, but overall pretty good.

August 29, 2003 - School and football have started. Things are getting pretty busy. I still get tired a lot easier than I used to - still the chemo affects, or just beginning to show my age?

My test in August all cam out fine. So far there is no sign of reoccurrence. I have been hit hard mentally as of late. One member of my support group has taken a turn for the worse - and she probably won't last much longer. A friend in town who has battled cancer for several years now may have a different cancer to deal with. These thing hit a lot harder than before.

I did have to explain to my doctor's nurse about proper etiquette. When I had my last tests, all the results were not in when I left the doctor. I got home and had a message that said "Rich, you need to call the doctor's office". Naturally I was in a panic and they were gone. The next morning I called and she said "I wanted to let you know the rest of your results were okay." AUGHHHHH!!!!  I did remain calm and explained the torture she had caused, hopefully saving someone else grief later.

I have also had a lot or introspection as of late, motivated both by myself and some reading (Deepak Chopra - very interesting approach). 

July 23, 2003 - The rest of May and June flew by and things started to turn around. The fatigue I had been fighting finally drifted away, and one day was gone. Summer started and I got very busy. A week at football camp, softball tournament, watching baseball games, and trying to get back into shape. I started working out some, but it was sporadic in June.

In July, things continued to be busy. My flute business is selling well. Played some softball, threw shot put and discus in the Montana State Games (a gold and solver medal), and finally got back to regular workouts (after a year). One other  thing began as well...that ol' anxiety machine. As the date (July 21) for the one year colonoscopy approached I started to worry, and obsess a bit. Okay, more than a bit.

Well, the colonoscopy has come and gone. It was not as bad as I remember it being the last time. Of course, the doctor did not tell me I had cancer this time. I had two little polyps that were both benign. I also have a lot of experience after chemo of being sick and in the bathroom, so the prep did not seem as bad either. One more hurdle for the summer. I have a physical and blood tests on August 7th, then I will be good to go for 6 months. One year down...four to go!

May 18, 2003 - It is amazing that two months have gone by. Time flies when you are having fun. There has been some bad, but a lot good. I am feeling a lot better. The fatigue is wearing off. My biggest problem now is all the weight I gained. I ate all the time to feel less queasy - then it took two months to break the eating habit. I have begun working out - but not on a regular basis. With school, track, kids and flutes I have been pretty tired at the end of the days.

Last month had a little scare. I have been having back problems. They (doctor) had me come in, thinking it might be my kidneys from the chemo. They are okay. Next I had a full thoracic and lumbar MRI - aughhh. Guess who doesn't fit in the tube. I had to have one arm above my head, and my shoulders still got squished going in. Anyway, a couple days later they called and said they found a spot - vertebrae T8. I had to go back in for a CT scan on the area. It turns out it is a benign hemonangia (or something like that) - a cluster of broken blood vessels in the bone. Nothing to do but live with it (no problem). I do have some spine degeneration, so I will have to live with the pain.

So - okay until July when I am scheduled to go back in for a colonoscopy (yipee!!!!). 

March 18, 2003 - So far so good. The last two months have gone by rather quickly, unlike the previous six months. So far I have had one check up, in February, and there is no sign of any cancer. I have a more in-depth check up in April, then a colonoscopy and cat scan in June.

The sickness from chemo went away within a few weeks. It is nice to not be nauseous. The fatigue has hung on however. For about a month I remained very tired. Then I had a good few days, then back to tired. It cycles a bit. I feel fine, like normal, then some time falling asleep and very tired. It seems the cycles of fatigue are getting shorter.

I have also begun working out again (the past two weeks). I am starting very slow, some treadmill, light weight lifting and cycling. It is a bit depressing at how far my fitness level has regressed, but it has been 8 months since I started with surgery and treatment.

Mentally, without the crutch of chemo, I have struggled at times. Worrying about a reoccurrence, etc. For the most part things are going well. They will never be the same, as I know from my previous experience with cancer...I am and always will be a cancer survivor.

January 17, 2003 - Ten days out and already a very big improvement. The last week of treatment was ugly. I slept all week. Made it to work Thursday and Friday afternoon. This past week wasn't too bad. Most of the time I am not nauseous anymore, just really tired. I was told the fatigue will probably hang on for awhile. I plan to start walking on the treadmill tomorrow (first time in 6 months). A couple of more weeks then I can go back to my workout regime.

January 7, 2003 - Yesterday I completed chemotherapy. The last few weeks have been pretty rough. I have been very nauseous and fatigue has been a problem. Yesterday it took six tries to get the IV to take. My veins kept collapsing. If I had it to do over again I would think harder about the permanent line. Now, rest and recovery. Test results also show no cancer, so I am cancer free (and determined to stay that way.

December 18, 2002 - Down to three. At this point everything is a count down. Last week I did not post and update because I did not do anything. I had chemo on Monday, wasn't too bad Tuesday when the flu hit. Wow! Was worse than the chemo. Spent Wednesday and Thursday in bed. Went to school for Friday.

This week has been much better. The chemo makes me feel pretty sick on the way home, and after the motion of the two hour car ride subsides I don't feel too bad Monday night. Tuesday mainly tired. I did make it to school Wednesday, stayed home with a sick child Thursday and back to school Friday. The next two weeks school is out, so at least I do not have to miss work. I was granted extra sick leave by the school - they have done so much to take care of me during all this!

December 7, 2002 - Only 5 treatments left. This week everything kind of hung on. I spent part of Wednesday in bed and was very tired on Thursday as well. Not too bad today (Saturday). I have had moments of anxiety, worrying about a reoccurrence, the possibility of death, etc. Of course, having been through this once in 1990, I knew it would come back around. As I near the end of treatment, the anxiety will probably increase. For now, I am receiving poison to kill cancer cells. Will cancer stay away if I am not reviewing treatment? One more worry to think about.

For the most part, things have gone very well. My blood counts have barely dropped at all. I only had the flu once (which is amazing considering I work at a school and the number of students here who are often sick). The treatments have gradually hit me harder. I don't think I would be able to coach now like I did in the earlier treatments. I have not lost my hair - thinned out a little. Besides the droopy eyelids and weight gain (20 pounds), I have not had very many side effects. Occasional diarrhea from the medicines, but it can usually be controlled with medication. I am also aware that as soon as treatment stops, within 3 weeks or so I will again feel pretty well (unlike radiation in 1990 which the effects hung on for a couple of months). The countdown is underway!!!!

December 1, 2002 - I have just finished my two weeks off in between cycles. The last couple of treatments in cycle 2 hit pretty hard. My routine is pretty much set. I receive treatments on Monday in Billings. It (the treatment) pretty much hits me right away, even with the zofran I get in the I.V. By the time I get home (90 minutes later) I am not feeling too well. I usually eat something for dinner and go to bed. Tuesday is pretty much spent sleeping. I get up for s bit, then back to bed. Wednesday I usually sleep in and get to work about 10 am. Sometimes I need a 30 minute nap in the afternoon. Thursday I work all day, a short nap in the afternoon, and I usually make the whole day on Friday. By Saturday and Sunday I do not feel too bad, just in time to go in for the next treatment.

My son and I took five days and went elk hunting. Needless to say I was somewhat limited due to the weakness. I am not an invalid by any means, but do tire easily. So far things are going well. I have completed 12 of the 18 treatments, so I can finally see the end of the tunnel. My blood counts have been good, and the cancer screener ran a few weeks ago was clean. Only six more!

October 31, 2002 - On the one hand I cannot believe a month has passed since I last wrote an update, on the other hand time crawls. I am in week four of the second cycle. It has been a tough week mentally and physically. I obsess some about my lack of energy and feeling of weakness. I am severely drained from the treatments. I have completed 10 of 18. I need to get through two more weeks, then I get a two week break.

I also had the flu last weekend, so arrived for this weeks treatment already sick. My blood counts remain good, so onward we go. I also passed my first tumor marker test. I can say that I am cancer free at this time. Only four years and 9 months before I can say that for all time.

The nausea and queasiness hang on longer now. I feel better by the weekend but still have "waves" of sickness roll over me at times, often triggered by smells, heat, or trying to do too much. I will try and update more often. Onward we go...

Sept. 30, 2002 - It has been awhile since an update, some good and some bad reasons. Week four eased up a little bit, but week five and six hit me pretty hard. I was nauseous both weeks, and the meds did little to take it away. Fatigue was the biggest problem (as well as some bowel problems due to the medicine). The last week and a half have been better as I am currently in my two weeks off.  I only took a nap four of seven day last week, and have not had to yet this week. Of course I am already dreading going back and starting the second cycle next Monday. Oh well...

Sept 1, 2002 - Week three was pretty rough. Tuesday I was tired and sick all day, spent most of it in bed. Wednesday and Thursday were a little better. Friday I was sick all day and stayed home. I was better by Saturday and Sunday, but took it easy. The crest was pretty big...I hope things even out.  Hey, time for bed...

August 26, 2002 - Week #2 is over and third treatment today. The doctor's say this week I should reach the "crest" as far as any side effects. I felt pretty sickly earlier, but better towards evening. Last week went real well. I got some zofran to help with the nausea, and some meds, so mainly fatigue. I took afternoon naps Tuesday - Thursday and made it through the day. Worked all weekend - just like normal...

August 18, 2002 - Week #1 - done. Only 17 treatment weeks left. A little rocky at times. Felt bad Monday night and Tuesday morning. A lot of nausea. Wednesday felt better but a lot of fatigue. Went home and slept 4 hours in the afternoon. A little better each day after, and by today I feel pretty good (just in time for round #2 tomorrow).

August 12, 2002 - first chemo treatment. Went well, no big deal to this point (of course we are just getting started. I am getting leucovorin and 5-FU. Wish I would have been radomized i the trial to get the oxilliplatin too, but thems the breaks.

August 5, 2002- saw the oncologist. We have been waiting for scar to heal to begin chemo. We are set for next week. I was randomized into a clinical trial. I do not receive the extra medicine, but am in the trail. That was the main objective, so that the genetic and other medical tests will be run on my tissues, both for my children, and because this is my second cancer.

August 3, 2002 - One month - wow! Doing well. Some back pain and discomfort. Moving pretty well. Still get tired easily. Stomach has a two inch "hole" left to heal. Had some infection so staples were removed to let infection drain out. Is taking awhile to heal.

July 3, 2002 - Surgery for colon cancer. Surgery went well well. Had 10 inches of colon removed. Tumor was in 4 of 9 lymph nodes making it stage III. Left hospital July 9th.